Since entering college, I have debated on whether or not that the Ivy League life is for me. And I think that I have finally come to a decision about whether I should spend the rest of my education here or go pursue it somewhere else.
I want to stay here I truly do, but I have come to the decision that maybe the Ivy League life just isn’t for me. And there are people that will go around and say that I am throwing away an amazing opportunity to improve my life, but the thing is being her upsets me.
I am in a constant state of either sadness or anxiety. I either feel worried about my grade or sad for some inexplicable reason. I have a group of friends here whom I can hang out with, but no one who I can be myself with. I feel constantly alone and judged. I am miserable.
And the one thing keeping me here is the thought of going home and people saying, “Wow, she just couldn’t make it over there.” And it wasn’t that I couldn’t make the grade. I am an A and B student here, but with the amount of stress that the school piles on, the weather, and the social environment, I don’t feel that this school is honestly the right fit for me. I don’t think that this school will help me reach my full potential despite their claims that they can.
College is a time that is deeply introspective. I have to be constantly asking myself if this is what I want. If I want to go with option A or option B. And it was during one of these periods of introspections that I decided that this school is not the place where I want to be, where I want to grow. In fact this school is stagnating and crushing me in ways that make me debate getting up in the morning.
I will say that an Ivy League education is what showed me that I don’t want to be a doctor. But what it also showed me that being away from home right now is not for me. And there is nothing to be ashamed about. I know that a lot of people would sneer and say that I’m just copping out but there is nothing wrong with admitting that maybe you aren’t just quite ready to leave home yet.
I thought I was ready, and while I have found that yes I can provide for myself, I am just not emotional strong yet to do this indefinitely. There is strength in saying “I’m not ready yet.”